Waiting for Results

Cancer Diary 11/30/19

“The not knowing is the worst part.”

No. It’s not.

Not knowing is a Before. When everything is still as it was.

An ordinary arrangement of days when petty lows—a chipped cup—come wrapped in renewal: the sunshiny breakfast.

Before highlights the present where I can feel my integrity, my wellness, my forward momentum

Until it is shattered by a few words

That reshape, rewrite

All that I am because of all that will be.

Or not.


There are benign results too.

Which bring relief, rejoicing, the promise to self

To never take a moment for granted.

But not so many of those recently.

So, in an effort to protect I’ve turned stoic.

Savoring the present. Or trying to.

May as well. Results arrive tomorrow.


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